Now that my first year of medical school is over, I wanted to sit down and reflect. This year was undoubtably different than I expected. I didn't expect to start medical school in the midst of a global pandemic... but I did.
I started school in a new city and I couldn't explore or even meet my classmates. It definitely wasn't ideal but I don't think I ever let myself realize how difficult of a year it really was for me. To be completely honest it wasn't the actual school part that was so difficult. I've always been good at school and studying is kind of my thing so exams weren't so bad. That was not everyone's experience and that is okay, but I am just being truthful about my own experiences. I spent most of my time studying, going on walks or going back home. I never really felt like my new home was home. I counted down the days until I could go back to my parents house. I was just generally unhappy in my new space. Over time, our class dynamics got shockingly bad, as everyone tried to cope with the stress of school and the world. We didn't know each other as humans, just as someone on the other side of the screen. The respect wasn't there and it showed. Our school switched systems in the middle of the year and we had no idea what was going on. To say it was kind of a mess is an understatement. I struggled a lot to find happiness in my new life for a while. I share all of this not because I want to scare incoming first years or make anyone feel sad for me... but to say that you can have a rough start and it can still turn out okay. Pro tip: Find a couple dog rescues in the area and help them out with dog transfers and short term fostering... it makes a HUGE difference for them and your mental health.
Though there are a lot of things about my first year that I am less than thrilled with, there were bright moments as well. I became co-president of our neurology student interest group, shadowed a few different pediatric neurologists (and LOVED every second of it) and eventually met people that are truly amazing. A year later and I can confidently say that next year will be better and I might even be looking forward to it. As this school year comes to a close, I have a lot of work to do on myself. This past year brought with it personal challenges that showed me that there are things about myself that I want to change. But it also showed me that I can go through some pretty awful times and come out okay. I'm proud that I did really well in school my first year despite these challenges. I say that because we should celebrate our wins instead of hiding them.
If you've gotten this far, thank you for reading. If you're going through a tough time with a new school or job just know that it will get better (cliche I know sorry). If you're going into your first year of medical school, be excited! But also be prepared for it to be less butterflies and rainbows than you might want. That's okay because you'll be okay.
Next block is Neurology and Psychiatry and I am SO excited. I know that is an unpopular opinion because it will be a difficult block. But, my passion is in neurology and psychiatry so I know that it'll be fun for me. I'm excited to see what the next year of school brings. I'm hoping for more substantial research experience, more shadowing opportunities and maybe even getting to know my classmates a bit better.
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